Family Photos, or Why Can't We Look Normal?

Family photos are next week. They always seem to creep up on me. So I spend the two days right before them searching for clothing that will flatter us all (me especially). Kids look cute in anything, and if it’s dorky they can blame their parents 20 years from now. I, however, being an apple pants must search for just the right pieces of clothing so as not to loom over my family like Jamama the Hutt or the Staypuff Marshmallow Mama.

Last year we ended up in jeans and black shirts, which looked great. But can we do that two years in a row? Does that make it a tradition? I won’t complain if I end up wearing black in all my family photos. Our mothers always told us (everyone together now), “Black is slimming.” Who doesn't like to be slimmed?

Will we be able to tell the years apart after 5 years of black and blue photos? The kids will be the barometer, I know. At least this year the boy (age three) has a decent haircut. Last year, my girlfriend, and fellow mama (gal-o mama?), cut his hair the week before the photos and did a great job until he moved his head. So that collection of pictures features bi-level bangs on a 2-year-old boy. Well, not so much bi-level as bangs with a big chunk cut out.

Oh, and yesterday, the girl (age one) fell and whacked her tender little cheek on the ground. So she has a lovely blue bruise on her cheekbone. So now it’s, “Family photo with abused daughter,” NOT. I can’t pad them and restrain them for weeks before a photo, so we just have to go along with whatever slip of the scissors or onrushing terrain comes their way.

Will some new catastrophe come our way in the next few days? Oh, I’m sure of it. Like life in its greater context, metaphorical bruises and bad haircuts will plague our paths throughout our lives. Panic or ignore them, just don’t be paralyzed by them. At least the blue bruise will bring out the color in her eyes.